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A Bopwork Orange/Transcript
opens in the Frosty Mart Lenny: snoring barges open Chris Chuggy/Fanboy/Chum Chum/Yo: FREE LOLLIPOPS! Lenny: Ah! Chum Chum: Where are they?! Lenny: What are you crazy kids talking about? We don't have anything free here! The tiniest can of corn costs twelve dollars! Fanboy: Then, why would someone put up a sign that said -- uh-oh. enters Boog: Oops! Did I write "lollipops"? 'Cause today's special is free...lolli-bops! laughs Now, line up, dweebs! Chris Chuggy/Fanboy/Chum Chum/Yo: dejected Awwww... is bopping the kids to the tune of "Ode to Joy" Boog: Man, it's as if Beethoven's boppin' through me! continues to bop them, but stops when he sees Agent Johnson Agent Johnson: Are you Boogreguard Shlizetti? Boog: In my handsome flesh. Agent Johnson: pause Detective Johnson, head of Frosty Mart Security. Our cameras have recorded forty-thousand separate incidents of you bopping our customers. Boog: Sweet! I -- could I get a copy of those tapes? I'm thinking of putting out a "Boog's Best Bops" DVD. pause You know, with extras. Agent Johnson: Listen here, pally! I'm here to fire you! Boog: What the bop, you're gonna fire me? Chris Chuggy/Fanboy/Chum Chum/Yo: YAAAAAAAY! stares at the kids, they stop Boog: Well, fine! I don't want this crummy job anyway! So long, suckers! the Chimp Chomp machine Come on, baby. Let's roll. the machine Agent Johnson: Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa! Unhand that machine! That's company property! wrestle over the machine Boog: But, but, Chimp Chomp's my baby! stop wrestling Agent Johnson: Find a new machine! This one's spoken for. Hmmhmmhmm. Boog: AHH! No! I can't leave my Chimp Chomp! She's my everything. Please, please just give me another chance! I'll stop bopping. You'll see! I can -- I can -- I can change. machine beeps Agent Johnson: What's that, Sugar? Ohhh, all right. The lady wants me to give you one more chance. I'll be back in twenty-four hours. But if you're still bopping, you're fired for GOOD! Johnson out. leaves pause, then... Fanboy/Chum Chum: Hey, hey! clap Ho, ho! clap Boog the Bopper has got to go! Hey, hey! clap Ho, ho! clap Boog: YO! Shut your rat traps, all right? I ain't gettin' fired! 'Cause I can stop boppin' any time I want. hear a bonk noise, widen to reveal he's bopping Lenny Lenny: Now might be -- ugh! Good time. Ugh! Boog: AHH! Fisty! What are ya doin'? You're gonna cost us Chimp Chomp! Fanboy: Well, have fun in the real world, Boog! Chum Chum: Yeah. Maybe you can get a job at the Stop 'n Bop. Fanboy/Chum Chum: they go outside Hey, hey! Ho, ho! clap Boog the Bopper has got to go! Boog: Please! I-I-I can't quit this on my own, I-I-I know me, I-I lack all bop self control! PLEASE! to the ground I need your help. whimpers Fanboy: Oh, we have to help him. Chum Chum: Are you crazy? He didn't help you when you were under that bus that he was driving. Fanboy: Call me a dreamer, Chum Chum. But I have a vision of a bop-free world. Chum Chum: A bop-free world. Think you there ever could be such a place? Fanboy: I know this: It starts one fist at a time. Inside... Chum Chum: Before we begin your treatment, we'll need to give you a complete, physical workup. holds up a small, rubber Chimp Chomp hammer Boog: What? Oh, what do you think you're doing with that? Fanboy: I'm just gonna check your reflexes. Boog's right leg, gets bopped Ow. Boog's left leg, gets bopped Ow. Okay, now I need you to open up and say "ahh". up tongue depressor Boog: Ahh... Fanboy with his tongue Fanboy: Chum Chum It's more serious than I thought. His whole body appears to be one big bopping reflex. Chum Chum: I was afraid of that. What do you recommend, doctor? Fanboy: pause I think our patient may require...a shock, to the system. puts a shock collar around Boog's neck Boog: Heyheyhey, hey! What's this thing? Chum Chum: It's an electric brace to help curb your bopping. Fanboy: It's what people in the industry call a behavior modification device. Boog: What people in the industry? Chum Chum: The guy at the pet store. Boog: Oh, the -- WHA? I ain't wearin' no dark collar! to take the collar off Chum activates a remote, Boog gets shocked Boog: This stupid thing shocked me! Fanboy: That means it's working. Chum Chum: It zaps you every time you try to bop. Boog: Are you crazy?! I -- shocked Chum Chum: Or think about bopping. Boog: Oh, that is it. This is comin' off right now! shocked, gasps for breath Fanboy: Come on, Boog. It's for your own good. Chum Chum: Yes. Listen to Pretend Doctor Fanboy, and leave the collar be. Boog: gasps for breath Okay. Eee...you're right. I'll listen to you from now -- collar causing Chum Chum to shock him, gasps for breath, faints Fine. I surrender. I'll wear your stupid torture device. Fanboy: That's the spirit. Now, don't you feel -- gets shocked suddenly Boog: grunts WHAT THE? I SAID I'LL WEAR IT! I SAID I'LL WEAR IIIIIIT! grunts Chum Chum: Mmm? Oops. Sorry, I was sitting on the remote. Boog: Ohhhhh... Fanboy: Shall we begin? claps to the view of a camera, briefly showing static. Chum Chum adjusts the camera Chum Chum: Mmm...mmm...mmm. Bop reconditioning, clinical trial 1. Fanboy: on door Aaaaaaand, cue customer. enters, Boog bops him Cheech: Ah! Boog: shocked WHAT? You saw him! He was beggin' for it! Later... Chum Chum: Clinical trial 2. Fanboy: This time with feeling! on door Aaaaaaand, action. enters Fankylechum: Could you make change for -- bopped Ah! Boog: shocked He started it! later... Chum Chum: Clinical trial 729. Boog: snoring Chum Chum: Fanboy's head Fanboy. Fanboy! Fanboy: Huh? Oh. tiredly Aaaaaaand, action. enters Chris Chuggy: Wah, wah, wah. bopped Wah! Wah, wah! Boog: shocked in sleep Zapped me, Ma! Five more minutes! mumbles later, cut to the storage room, acting as the "control room" Boog: I-I don't understand. W-what's all this? Chum Chum: wired colander onto Boog's head Sensors. Fanboy: We're going to record the changes inside your body when you feel the urge to bop. And then, feed that information to our supercomputer. Dollarnator: sips What's up? sips Chum Chum: Dollarnator will let us know when your pre-bop levels have spiked, so we can intervine before you bop. Boog: Well, if it keeps me from gettin' shocked, I'm all for it. I'm down to my last, clean underwear. Fanboy: Great. Now, say something truthful so we can calibrate the machine. Boog: If this doesn't work and I lose my job, I'm gonna spend all my new free time bopping you jerks silly! lines start flashing on Dollarnator's monitor Dollarnator: Subject is telling the truth. Fanboy: Let's begin. later, Fanboy and Chum Chum are sitting at a table with four monitors Fanboy: Okay, test subject appears ready. Cue customer. appears on one of the monitors Kyle: Um...I'm starting to have some grave misgivings about this... Chum Chum: Come on, Kyle. Do you want our old lunchbox or not? Kyle: pause Oh, it's not fair! You know I can't resist a vintage thermos! up to Boog Um, hello? Uh, I'll...take that pack of gum, please? Boog: Which one would you care for? We have so many delicious varieties. Kyle: Um...that one? Boog: I'm still not clear. Please step closer and make your selection. Kyle: But if I come over there, you'll bop me. Boog: Fear not, good customer. I am a reformed bopper, here to serve you, and your gum-chewing needs. walks closer to the counter and Chum Chum give each other a thumbs-up, suddenly, an alarm goes off Fanboy/Chum Chum: Huh? lines on Dollarnator's monitor are flashing red Dollarnator: Subject's perspiration increasing. Pupils are dilating, core temperature rising. Analysis...BOP IMMINENT! REPEAT, BOP IMMINENT! BOP IMMINENT, BOP IMMINENT! Fanboy: Ah! We gotta get in there! Chum Chum: to open door He's locked the door! He's locked the door! Fanboy: What? What? Chum Chum: grunting is seen on the monitors laughing as he punches the camera, making the monitors go static Fanbon/Chum Chum: WAH! Kyle: outside, to Boog I've been misled! I was told there'd be no bopping! Stop, or I'll turn you into a toad! Chum starts to reach for the doorknob, but Kyle's face slams against the door three times Fanboy and Chum Chum: AHHHHH! AHHHHH! AHHHHH! Dollarnator: GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER, MAN! Fanboy: Zap him, Chum Chum! ZAP HIM! Chum Chum: pressing the remote I can't! It needs batteries! And they're out there, in Isle 2! Kyle: outside, under No! Stop with that! Ahh! grunting Fanboy: Be strong, Kyle! Have mercy on our souls. Dollarnator: GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER, MAN! GAME OVER, MAN! lights go out, Fanboy and Chum Chum whimper with worry up on a police siren, it is sunset. Agent Johnson drags Boog outside and removes his hat. In the background, Fanboy and Chum Chum watch sadly while Kyle walks away, hurt and tired, with one hand on the back of his head Agent Johnson: Let's go, Shlizetti. Boog: Hey! I made some attachments, here! I-I need to say some goodbyes, alright? Agent Johnson: Oh, vave. Lenny: Oh, I'm touched, Boog. I've grown fond of you. pushes him Oh! Boog: OUTTA MY WAY! the Chimp Chomp machine Hey, baby. It's me, player 1. I'm gonna be going away for a while. I need you to be strong. sobs I told my self I wasn't gonna cry! And then, I did it! something Wait a minute! Where's your joystick?! Fanboy: Ohhhh, we...kinda needed it for the remote. Chum Chum: Yeah. How else were we gonna zap you? shakes and growls, then lifts up his fist to bop. Fanboy and Chum Chum cringe together in fear, but instead of getting bopped, Boog pats their heads instead Fanboy/Chum Chum: Huh? Boog: That's okay, boys. Your hearts were in the right place. Agent Johnson: Boog Let's get a move on, Shlizetti. Fanboy: Wait a minute. Boog didn't bop us. Ho, we broke Chimp Chomp, and Boog didn't bop us! Johnson starts putting Boog in the car Chum Chum: Detective Johnson, look! the remote Agent Johnson: That's Sugar's joystick! If I weren't on duty, I'd give you two such a bopping! Fanboy: So with Boog! But he didn't. He stopped himself! Chum Chum: Don't you see? He's cured! gives Agent Johnson a rather pleading look Agent Johnson: pause You're right. Boog I don't know how you did it Shlizetti, but you are a bopper no more. Boog's hat back on his head Welcome back to the Frosty Mart family. Boog: sobs Thank you so mu -- Agent Johnson: Our family doesn't hug. walks back to Fanboy and Chum Chum Agent Johnson: Gotta go, boys. Stay in school. And remember, say no to bops. away Fanboy: Wow, we did it, Chum Chum. Our first step toward a bop-free world. Boog: Yes, it is. It is. But you know what? No one said anything about a zap-free world! holds up shocky hands which zap, Fanboy and Chum Chum scream while he laughs Fanboy: What is that? Boog: Uh, just a very fortunate side-effect of that dog collar you zapped me with like a bajillion times! zaps again, Fanboy and Chum Chum scream Fanboy: Uh...wait! You can't zap us. What about the security cameras? zaps a security camera and chases Fanboy and Chum Chum whilst zapping several times. Fanboy and Chum Chum scream, the episode ends Category:Transcripts